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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24033316">Welcome to the Crack Power Hour</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nasal/pseuds/nasal'>nasal</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Fuck tagging</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:03:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24033316</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nasal/pseuds/nasal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>where we don't do drugs but the writing get worse anyway.</p><p>Join me and my two remaining brain cells on a magical journey through the crack fics I am coerced into writing by my discord server. There will be no continuity, no explanations, and no increase in quality whatsoever.</p><p>Please remember to openly mock me in the comments.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Ratsumu</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Hi everyone this is my self-insert fic co-starring Miya Atsumu. I’m dating Atsumu who harbours a DEEP AND TERRIBLE SECRET uwu</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey babe.” Greets my boyfriend Atsumu as he exits the gym. He looks sweaty and hot from volleyball training. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi Atsumu.” I say back, flicking my ebony black hair. I’m the head cheerleader of my school, but all the girls hate me because they’re jealous that I am a part-time model. I don’t care though, because my boyfriend Atsumu is all I need. He’s my boyfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabs me by my tiny waist and pulls me close, I giggle as he looks deeply into my eyes. “I love you so much.” He blushes cutely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.” I begin to say, but suddenly his expression changes. He looks up at the full moon, terrified.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh no, it’s begun.” He says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s begun?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The transformation.” Answers Osamu, who is also here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Atsumu pushes me away and begins to shrink. His ears elongate, he grows fur, and a tail sprouts out his ass. His screams of pain turn to squeaks,and  the transformation is complete. He is Ratsumu.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ew.”  I say as I look at my gross rat boyfriend</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Atsumu was cursed to turn into a rat if he ever fell in love.” Osamu explains.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My darling, </span>
  </em>
  <span>writes Ratsumu on the dirt, he can’t speak human languages anymore, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you with all my heart, but you’re too popular to date a rat. Osamu, please take care of her from now on.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Osamu’s way ahead of his brother. We’re already making out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ratsumu cries heartbrokenly and flees into the forest. He is never seen again.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Human Tangerine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shoutout to Eri and her unquenchable desire to turn hapless characters into other things. Professor Mcgonagall would be proud.</p><p>Full disclosure I ran out of funny juice halfway through last year</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Overnight, Hinata changed. He is round and orange, with a leaf on his head, and his arms and legs are too stumpy to reach the ground anymore. Natsu watches as he wiggles uselessly, trying to get ready for school.</p><p> </p><p>Mum always said that boys Hinata’s age go through changes. This must be what puberty is like.</p><p> </p><p>Like the good little sister she is, Natsu helps him get ready. She doesn’t mind. Hinata smells delicious.</p><p> </p><p>“This is all Tsukishima’s fault.” Hinata says. “He put a spell on me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Who the fuck is Tsukishima.” Natsu asks, rolling her brother down the hallway. </p><p> </p><p>But Hinata is too round and she loses her grip. “Oh no!” she cries as her brother bounces down the stairs. She watches as Hinata crashes through the front door and into Kageyama, who was outside the door the whole time. The sudden impact sends him flying.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Hinata you dumbaaaass!!” </em>She hears him yell as he flies over the horizon. A tragic loss for the volleyball club. </p><p> </p><p>With no one to roll Hinata to school. They decide to call Sawamura. When he arrives, they explain what happened.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re off the team.” He says.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” Hinata sobs. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re spherical, you can’t play volleyball,” Sawamura explains. “Also you killed Kageyama.”</p><p> </p><p>The police will be here soon, but Hinata is too distraught about never playing again to care. As a final act of love, Natsu pushes Hinata out the door and down the hill once more. They watch as he bounces down the street, crying, running over several people, until he finally reaches the ocean, where the tides take him out to sea.</p><p> </p><p>“So long, big brother.” She says solemnly, watching as Hinata floats away. “Now you are free.”</p><p> </p><p>Daichi wipes away the tears from his eyes and goes back to school to tell everyone the sad news. They drink a glass of orange juice in his honour. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Tangerine will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak."</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I will not be giving out autographs at this point in time.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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